Rock Bottom

" The only good thing about hitting Rock Bottom is that it can't get any worse. "

Solid Ground. Rock Bottom. Bedrock.

Ever remember how it felt like when you first felt solid earth under you? When you knew that you had just broken down everything that was holding you up and now there was nothing that you could do but fall. Fall until you found the ground and then start building right back up from there.

I'm sure you did. But do you remember why you felt the way you did? Why your heart kept beating in that erratic rhythm and why you were disoriented. I know how that feels. Because I did it right with you.

I know that there are times when you feel like you're too much. Times when you feel that people would be better off without you in their lives. Times when you wonder if you would be better if you were someone else. Someone less sensitive. Someone less vocal. Someone more pliable. Someone more acceptable. Someone easier to live with. Someone easier to stay with. I know that it's very difficult to stop that voice inside you that keeps telling you that there is something wrong with you , that you should not be this way, that you will only keep losing people if you continue like this.

When this happens, there is nothing that can stop you. You will try, try everything to stay up, but nothing will. And that is when you hit it. The Rock Bottom.

And that isn't even the worst part. It's when you don't surround yourself with people who can help you build yourself back up. It's when you allow yourself to be okay with staying down when you could be doing so much. And there could be something or someone helping you with it. Because, there is nothing shameful about needing help to function. It could be help in the form of meditation, therapy, support groups, mental health helpline, or a friend - It's okay to have something to lean on. It doesn't make you weak or any less capable or competent. And it definitely doesn't make you a failure. It makes you a person, a human being who makes mistakes and needs help to come back up. It makes you someone capable of being wounded and searching for a way to heal. It makes you someone who acknowledges that they have needs and the courage to get them.  And although it's true that not everyone may need them to survive, but it's a lie to think that everyone can function without the support. No one gets through without some sort of help. nobody is impervious to the pain and heartbreak and struggle to live through it. We all have a difficult time coping through it, and at some point we need help. You're not an exception.

Because if asking for help make it easier for you to live with the pain, if it makes things manageable, and if it helps you fight the demons you carry inside you, then you have every right and reason to get that support, who or whatever it may be.

But, please do this. Keep faith and let the universe make things right for you. Because the toughest thing to do is to love yourself. It is the most difficult to know why you would want to, because you don't even like who you are. And that may be right for a moment, but just for one. You, with your life and happiness, you with your quirkiness and the shine in your eyes. You are perfect in your own way and no matter what the others say and how many times they put you down, you will always be beautiful. And nobody, I repeat, nobody can take that away from you.

So, don't worry now. Just trust me. Trust me when I say that you're not too much. Trust me when I tell you that you need to be where you are, that you deserve to be where you are. You don't need to change a single thing about you. You're allowed to be big and loud and open. You're allowed to be unabashed and unapologetic and uneasily defined by others, you're allowed to say what you want to and speak the truth you believe in. You don't ever have to shrink or disappear for the sake of someone else. And more than anything, you are allowed to take up space. Not despite who you are, but because of it. Because even if you can't see it right now, you have so many amazing things to give to this world. Because you're a part of it, and you matter. Because you exist. Even when you're struggling, even when you're difficult. Even when others don't like it - you're enough for the world and YOU MATTER.

It's only the end if you think it is. You've come back from far worse things. You're stronger than that. You're better than that. You're on the right side of Rock Bottom.