The Bollywood Connection

"Zindagi side 'A' se side'B' ki tarah ghoomti gaano ki reel hi to hai, kabhi koi gaana itn pasand hai ki khatam hone se darr lagta hai. Kabhi koi gaana poore din honthon se jaane ka naam nahi leta aur kabhi koi gaane ki sirf dhun yaad reh jaati hai."

I am not a Bollywood-obsessed person. I don't live my life quoting dialogues from the mainstream Bollywood romance sagas. But, there are movies that make me 'feel'. And as any culturally 'woke' Bangali, I need to be able to talk about these feelings. So what better place to do that than this!

Coming back to this dialogue, it is from a fairly successful film called "Meri Pyari Bindu" which is about a Bengali guy, who falls hopelessly in love with his neighbor Bindu. The girl loves him and wants to stay with him but can't. Like the sagas in the past, this film does not have a happy ending for the couple in question. But, it has an even better ending in my opinion. You get to interpret it however you would see fit. the story makes you realize that love is never perfect and that even when all you want for it is to stay, it doesn't. 

I've had love. And I've always let it leave. When I was younger, I thought I had enough time to find it again. When I got a little older, I let it go thinking it would come back for me because I was important (spoiler alert: it did not!), and now that I finally know better, I tried to hold on to it, as much as I could. But I don't think that's how it works. Weirdly enough, this movie had no problems showing this. The hero does not get the girl and all he gets, in the end, are fame and an unfinished love story.

Pop culture tells you that you're supposed to hate your ex. He/she is supposed to make your blood boil, and make you feel good about leaving them/ them leaving you, you have to purge them out of your system. Basically, there is a whole mood attached to that. I have never felt that way about anyone I loved. Maybe it was because they are all really great people who could do no wrong. Or maybe it is because I never learned how exactly to let them go. And most people would call me a terrible person for still sticking around, but how could I not?

And that's where Bollywood comes to the rescue. It is filled with stories of unrequited love, of love going unanswered, and on and on and on. So, I'm using Bollywood to my rescue as well. I have another movie I hold really close. I'm sure a lot of people will silently judge me for even liking this movie. But let them, because I'm allowed to like one sappy Bollywood romance. 

"yaadein ek mithai ki dibbe ki tarah hoti hai, ek baar khula to sirf ek tukda nahi khaa paoge." 

So, if I have ever told you that I loved you, in any way, manner, or word possible, know that it was true. And it will always be true. I will remember the entire trajectory of my whirlwind/tame, not-so-Bollywood-inspired love story. I remember all the songs you made me listen to, all the movies we talked about. I remember thousands of jokes, all the racist stereotypes we would dissect. I remember all about why your friends were a certain way and your adventures with them. I remember the love, the closeness, the fight, the frustration. I also remember the sad, the grown-up conversations, and everything in between. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for walking away from all I had, hoping that you would stop me. And there isn't a day that I don't think about all the things I could have done differently so we would still have a shot. Try as I may, the clock will not turn back. But I want you to know that you were and will always be cherished. I will always keep silently rooting for you to finish all the amazing things we discussed you would do.

Years from now, if we ever see each other again, I will not be thinking about how my life is so much better without you like people would want me to. What I will be thinking about are all the ways life would have been different if only I hadn't been such a knucklehead while I was with you. Everybody does not get their happy ending because others were assholes, some people find ways to mess up their own lives (case in point!). Anyway, what I will definitely do then is spend some time with you while you tell me about your uber-happy and satisfying life.

Life is never going to stop and neither will the people. But I really hope that if someone out there is reading this and thinking about all the people they left behind, you remember that it was good when they were with you. Because, some days, that is all I smile about, every happy memory I got to live because I loved an amazing person inside and out! And when you're done reminiscing about those, remember to be a Bollywood diva and play those songs that stayed with you, because I definitely know that I am playing them right now!