THE FRIEND I DID NOT SHARE

"A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else"

The ethereal feeling of starting something new is always a surprise. Every time Misha came across a new conquest, be it a person or an entire room, this feeling had her doing so much. She could become the person people keep talking about. The adrenaline rush of impressing people made her going on.

Everyone wanted to know and understand the enigma that was Misha Chaturvedi. Who was she? what made her tick? who would she socialize with? She was the high school diva, friend to many and a mystery to many more. Polite to all, she only made very friends. They were her people, who did not judge her and always had her back. Many would think she was being vain, but she understood the struggle of being the best and staying there.

But, did her friends know her as well as they claimed? That was a question only Misha could answer.

every night, before she went to bed, she did two things. She made sure that she wrote in her journal and she also made sure that she had a conversation with someone. The person in question wasn't her classmate or a relative. who was he? She claimed he knew her more than anybody. that she could be a real person with him. She could be anything with him and he would never mind. Yet, she always chose to keep him a secret. Very few knew about him and fewer still had actually met him.

she called him " the friend I do not share"

Such an abomination! Isn't friendship something you share? She had changed the cornerstone of friendship with this term.

Misha knew all and saw all but chose to be mum. She was happy keeping her singular friend under wraps. For her, he was the stress ball where all her problems would be absorbed and without an ounce of negativity against her. It was a clear lake of perspective that gave unmuddled opinions. But one day, she took it too far. She lost her mirror of true reflection and lost the friend behind it, all at once. "nothing lasts forever" suddenly seemed true. That one person who knew her as the person she wanted to be was gone, and gone with him were all the things she wanted to share with him. She tried doing it with her friends. They were true to her and did help her out in any way they could. But, it wasn't enough. She could never forget the conversations she had with him, over his life and her future. Every time she shared her insecurities with a friend, every friend knew. "It's never a problem", she said with a smile while she kept thinking about him.

Life went on and time healed her scars. Misha still had those times when she would remember him. She was talking to him, but their connection got lost somewhere. The depth they had shared once was strained now. The ease of conversation was replaced with forced niceties. Her heart clenched every time he called, thinking if this was the time when they might rekindle the friendship. But, he was lost forever, her friend who she shared with none was lost to the pressure of life and time.

She kept reminiscing and cursing herself at her fortune. She had the best of both worlds, friends who knew her and accepted her for what she was and that rare person who understood her the way she had always wanted to. She blamed herself for asking too much. Now, she could never bring him back. life had a weird way of twisting all the things. She wanted him for herself, but she forgot that she already had him, probably more than he had bargained for.

Neither could her sighs bring him back, nor could her unheard messages.

people always seem to confuse love with a lot of things. They think friendship will only blossom for people who don't love each other. Why do they forget that a friend loves you more than any lover could. Friends are a privilege we are given. and almost every time, we really forget their value and role in our life.

An advertisement for a popular mobile network had a compelling tagline which said "Har ek friend zaruri hota hai". It also went on to tell us about a few common types of friends we all have. Well, this time, let's add a "Friend I don't share". I'm not being selfish, I'm just trying to be at peace. I believe we all need to have one such soundboard which only has one wire, to us. It doesn't know what others say and probably wouldn't care. It will call us out on our bluff and applaud us for our achievements.

And this time, we don't make the mistake of asking more from the friend than he gives us. I read this in an article somewhere,"Friendzone has it's own benefits". Why not try those benefits this time around.