The Roadside Daffodils

"I wandered lonely as a cloud, that floats on high o'er vales and hills,When all at once I saw a crowd, a host, of golden Daffodils; beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze."                                                  - William Wordsworth

The first time I was made to read this poem, I was not too happy about it. Granted, I was a 12- year old and nobody really likes it when they are made to do their schoolwork. that year, I read that poem a couple times, and each time it was easier to remember it. a few years down the line, moving houses brought back all of my old textbooks and got down to reading this poem all over again. This time, nobody made me read it, but I couldn't stop myself. And since then, This poet and his poem have etched quite a special place in my heart.

That's the thing about activities and maybe to a larger degree, opinions that are forced upon us by someone. If the same things come around enough times, it isn't long before they become a part of our psyche and maybe even our personality. While it's great when these are things that you want to evolve about yourself and hope that you can change, it's particularly difficult to identify and root out the toxic behavior that someone normalizes for you. And that's the catch with those relationships, we never know we are in one unless someone calls us out on it. We never know how much we're degrading ourselves unless someone stops us and shows us what's going on. And even then, we choose to not see it. Often, people ask you to "forgive and forget", but nobody really gets the fact that you never really let go of these scars- it merely gets easier to be with over time. And once you get used to it, you carry the trauma of the entire thing with you, everywhere you go and everyone you meet. Now, when someone says something sweet to you, you're left second-guessing it all the time. The process of beginning a new relationship becomes that much difficult because your viewpoint is painted with an ugly experience that you never learn how to leave behind.

I think what life finally always comes down to, and again, this is just me, musing about the things that keep churning around inside my head, is deciding what you pick. and for the most of it, I would like to think that I choose my heart over all the fears my mind can cook up. You heart might ask you to take the difficult road ahead because of the beautiful uncertainties it offers, while your head might come up with all the reasons why it would be the worst idea. judgments by society, fear of not making it through, failure are just a few of them. And yes, practical choices make a lot of sense. that's the whole reason why they're practical, isn't it? Choosing your heart over everything stable will change your life. You might be thrust into places, see people, and find things that were truly meant for you. It may not seem like everything is working out just fine.

"For oft, when on my couch I lie, in vacant or in pensive mood, they flash upon that inward eye which is a the bliss of solitude; and then my heart with pleasure fills, and dances with the Daffodils."